My Birth Story

We welcomed our little man, Rhys Cameron Antoniak, on 12/2/24 at 3:39am and our whole worlds shifted in that instant. It’s been two weeks with baby Rhys and we are so incredibly in love with him – it’s true that really nothing else matters except your little family once your baby comes. The whole world slows down and you feel this endless love for something else like you’ve never felt before.

I always knew I wanted to be a mom, it was never a question of if but as I grew older and dealt with fertility issues (more on that here), I always remained steadfast in the idea that I would be a mom. No matter how, we would find a way to be parents. Tom felt this exact same way and so we spent the large majority of 2022 and 2023 harvesting eggs and creating embryos for our future. And in March 2024, we transferred our second embryo and I became pregnant with Rhys.

Although we had a surprise gender pregnancy, I knew the entire time that he was a boy – I just had such an intense feeling and plus it didn’t hurt that all of the old wives tales lined up to telling me it was a boy: No major morning sickness (I was nauseas every day but never got sick), carrying low, salty cravings, no acne, shiny hair and nails, weight gain in belly, etc… But even my intuition was just telling me it was a boy. I pictured the baby as a boy and would have dreams about a little boy inside.

My whole pregnancy was really enjoyable and I absolutely loved carrying this little guy around for almost 40 weeks. I felt incredible the entire time and really had zero aches or pains, I was able to run 4-5 miles and lift weights until about 38.5 weeks pregnant. I really felt incredible the entire time.

Every single appointment we had went really smoothly too – everything always checked out perfectly. I would measure exactly on target every single week, proper growth all around, and the doctors always gave us a clean bill of health for each appointment. It felt great after having such a tough battle with IVF and always being told that there was something wrong at each appointment. It was nice to just be ‘normal’.

As the pregnancy progressed and we moved to weekly appointments, we started to notice that baby’s heart rate was on the low end of things and each week it seemed to average a little lower and lower. The average range for heart rate is typically 110-160 and at each appointment we would see like 100, 105, then bounce back up to 125, 135, 130, and then go back down. Out of an abundance of caution, my midwife sent me to the hospital – which happens to be right next door – to get an NST (non-stress test).

We monitored baby’s heart rate over two hours and everything seemed to be okay, albeit low but the trends were on par for normal. The Maternal Fetal Medicine doctor checked it out as well and seemed to be satisfied with the heart rate and just said that baby probably has a low resting heart rate, which truthfully, I had an extremely low resting heart rate so I wasn’t that concerned. After we got to see all the breathing trends and how everything showed great variability and patterns, I felt much better and felt great going home.

Unfortunately, we had to repeat this pattern two more times. At each weekly appointment, the baby’s heart rate would be extremely low when I was getting checked by the doppler and the midwives sent us over to the hospital for another NST. It definitely started to spook me that this was a recurring pattern and that there was something else that was actually wrong but the doctors always seemed to be happy with results from the NST.

At this point I was 39 weeks pregnant and had had three NSTs over the last 2.5 weeks. I knew my time being pregnant was winding down and that baby’s heart rate was indeed low, but that we just needed to hang on for a little longer.

When I went in to my 39 week appointment that Friday, my midwife offered me a membrane sweep to get things going since I was already measuring 3cm dilated and I was definitely interested in getting one done. I had heard that they can really speed up the process of labor and I was 39 weeks and 2 days and kind of ready to get the show on the road and meet our little one! So we moved forward with the membrane sweep.

Holy. Shit. Lol. I had heard that membrane sweeps aren’t that painful and really shouldn’t feel like more than just a cervical exam, so I wasn’t really expecting anything painful. That was until my midwife said to me, ‘Yeah, my membrane sweeps WORK.’ Sheesh!! She wasn’t kidding, Tom said that it looked like her feet were lifting off the ground she was using so much force. He said he was literally traumatized watching it, I was like ‘imagine feeling it!!!’. Easily one of the most painful things I’d ever had done to me and we’ve been through a lot with the IVF biopsies, procedures, etc.

I spent the rest of the day and night bleeding pretty decent amounts of bright red blood and although she ensured me that it would be normal to have some blood, I was having a lot of clots and it didn’t really seem to settle down. It continued all night and continued the next day as well – we had gone to Costco and I was still bleeding and it was just jarring. It started to mix with mucus which I was actually happier about because I knew that that was part of the membrane that had been ‘swept’ but it was still so weird with how much was coming out. It continued throughout Saturday night and into Sunday morning and that was when I realized that something probably wasn’t totally right here.

We called the hospital and they told us to come in immediately and to pack our bags just in case, so thats exactly what we did. Once we got to the hospital, they hooked me up to an NST and checked the bleeding, and although they weren’t majorly concerned, the midwife said to me, how about we just stay and have the baby today? Tom and I both agreed that this was the right thing to do now, since we would have just gone home and worried non-stop until the baby was here. It was time to get this thing GOING!

At this point, I was still 3cm dilated. The induction started at 12pm and I spent the next four hours laboring. The contractions were manageable at first and Tom and I used different tactics from our birthing class (highly recommend taking one of these before birth! we learned so many different tips and tricks for how to manage labor and contractions the best we can). I honestly was feeling okay and felt like I could handle some of the pain and wanted to push off getting an epidural until I actually needed it, I wanted to experience labor and the contractions and the pain.

Once things started to get really tough, I asked for the epidural and in just the 45 minutes that it took for them to get the anesthesiologist and the epidural administered, my contractions had increased a wild amount. I was really ready for the epidural by the time he got to the room and I was so glad when I started to not feel the contractions anymore.

At this point (5pm) I was only 3.5 – 4 cm dilated, even after all that laboring, I thought for sure I would be at least a 5 by then, but nope! The midwife suggested that we break my water to get things going because that can often speed up the labor process, so I was definitely on board for this. The midwife broke my water at 5:20pm and within ten minutes, we started having some problems.

Both baby and I were hooked up to heart rate monitors and I was hooked up to a blood pressure cuff. My blood pressure was starting to read really low and I was starting to feel really faint, and at the same time, baby’s heart rate was dipping extremely low – we’re talking 80’s (again, it should be 110-160) and I could hear the monitors dipping so low every single time I had a contraction. I would immediately tear up because I was so scared – it was truly terrifying hearing the heart beat beat sooooo slow when I knew what it should have been. My doctor wasn’t overly concerned (or showing me that she was) but she was keeping an eye on it.

When the nurse came to check on me at like 5:30pm, she caught a moment when we couldn’t really register or find the baby’s heart rate and immediately called a code for everyone to come in. The next 5 minutes were an absolute BLUR. Seven nurses, doctors, staff rushed into the room and started flipping me all around, got me on all fours, asking if they could inject my leg with something for blood pressure, administering more medicine, talking so fast and just working at an intense level. Alarms going off and things beeping and I was just absolutely panicked that me and baby weren’t going to be okay. They actually had to re-break my water and as Tom says, ‘it was literally like Niagara Falls.’ A huge gush of liquid all over and with all the medication they administered, they were able to recover both my blood pressure and baby’s heart rate. But this is when I knew that we were in for a really tough night.

They decided to turn off the pitocin (what causes contractions), because it just seemed that baby couldn’t handle the contraction’s intensity. It was going to have to be a long, slow labor without any intense contractions in order to keep baby safe. We let my body contract naturally from 6-10pm, and I was actively listening to the heart rate monitor the entire time. The heart rate showed stability but it still really made me worried every single time it dipped. No one wants to hear those fearful beeps, let alone every single time you have a contraction.

By 10pm, things were stable enough to start the pitocin again at a lower level to get some more contractions going so hopefully we could get this baby in a more stable position to push! From 10pm – 12am, I went from a 5cm to a 9.5cm in terms of dilation…so we were ready to push!! I got to 10 and then it was go time.

The only problem was that we had to be really careful because every single time I would contract, the baby’s heart rate would dip down. With the pitocin on a low level, I knew the pushing part was going to be difficult because while most people have contractions often and are able to keep pushing and pushing during birth, I had to wait about 4-5 minutes between each contraction AND they weren’t that strong because we didn’t want to spook baby by giving the full dose of pitocin, so my contractions were never THAT strong since in my case, strong contractions = lower baby heart rate. It was going to be a loonggggg labor of pushing since I really had to do a lot of the work on my own.

With Tom on one side, a nurse on the other, and my badass midwife (who I absolutely ADORED), we spent the next three hours pushing this baby down, relying on any contraction I had to get the baby inched down farther and farther into the canal. We moved around and did all different positions, mostly because baby did not like when I was on my back (the standard pushing position of course), so I had to literally push from my SIDE while side lying, we tried all different body positions and tactics like me pulling a rope while the nurse pulled the other way. Anything we could do to mix it up while still keeping baby’s heart rate happy.

After pushing on my side for so long, we tried the center regular pushing position and baby seemed to tolerate it okay now that they were moved so far down into my canal. It was like 2:30am at this point, I hadn’t eaten since 10am, I had just been pushing for two straight hours and I was getting tired…and at the same time, baby was also getting tired and their heart rate was dipping lower and lower with each push. I could tell we were all a little spooked by this, including the midwife who would patiently wait for baby’s heart rate to recover after each push. We were all on edge each time, waiting for the beeps of the monitor to pick back up. It honestly felt so incredibly traumatic waiting with bated breath each time to see if baby would recover. I looked at the midwife and said to her, ‘how much longer do you think I will realistically be pushing for? An hour?’ hoping she would say ‘no way! only like 5 more minutes!’ but instead she said ‘thats definitely a strong possibility.’ I had felt so defeated and tired and was just wondering how we were gonna do this (me and baby) for another hour.

We continued pushing, waiting in-between each contraction, monitoring that heart rate until I was feeling a lot of pressure and like baby was going to come out any moment. Just as this all was happening, baby’s heart rate kept going lower and lower and lower, and I was starting to panic. I could tell something wasn’t right and my motherly intuition felt like we needed to get this baby out ASAP.

At this almost hour three mark, C-Section wasn’t really any option because the baby was so far down in my canal. Like we were essentially a few pushes away from giving birth, but with a slowing heart rate and not super powerful contractions, I didn’t know when that was going to happen. We kept going, heart rate kept dropping, I could feel baby’s head (they kept telling me to feel it!) and I heard ‘it has dark hair!!!’ which totally threw me for a loop lol.

We were getting closer and closer with each push and just when we were basically there, the heart rate plummeted. My midwife looked at me and said ‘Okay, we have a few options but we need to move quick. I’m going to need to use the vacuum, or I need to give you an episiotomy. Baby is stuck and we need to get them out now.’ And with the heart rate machine beeping dramatically slowly in the background, I knew I didn’t have a choice. This baby needed to get out NOW.

My midwife emergently called in the doctor on call to get a hand with the medical aspect of what was about to go down, and as the doctor came in the room, I felt another contraction come on and I screamed that I needed to push. She was literally grabbing the scissors to give me that episiotomy when I decided that I was going to literally push with ALL my might. I started seeing red and was like, ‘lets fucking go.’

With one more push, out came our little guy. I actually pushed so hard she had to yell for me to stop, take a deep breath and then push out slowly to get the rest of his body out. They held him up immediately and Tom said ‘it’s a boy!’ right at the same time that I looked down and saw the little testes. My heart burst into a million pieces. My little guy was here.

At what should be the most magical moment, everything quickly changed in an instant. Baby had the cord DOUBLE wrapped around his neck, he was completely purple, and he had eyes bulging out of his head, literally. Within 10 seconds, she unwrapped the cord and they placed him on my chest like they normally would do to see if it would help warm him up. I immediately sensed something was wrong and started screaming for them to get him. He was dead silent, not moving, and completely STUNNED. He didn’t make any movements or noise and that’s when all shit hit the fan.

My midwife (who was absolutely amazingly calm and strong) yelled for the nurse to come grab him and then called a ‘CODE NEO’ – all I heard was tons of shouting and the hustle and bustle of people coming in the room. Baby was whisked off my chest within 15 seconds and within another 15 seconds, there were four Neonatal emergency doctors in the room tending to baby over on the warmer. Tom and I have never been more scared in our entire lives and we grabbed each other and just started praying. We were crying, praying, hoping that we would soon hear a little cry and that the doctors would be able to get him comfortable, and the thought of even keep him alive came across our minds. We were terrified that we were going to lose our little guy.

After what felt like an eternity, we heard a little ‘wahhh, wahhh’ and I was able to take a deep breath. The neonatal doctors all had a job and when I looked over, you could tell that they all knew exactly what they were doing and that they were going to take care of our guy and bring him back to health. They kept him over on the warmer for 10 minutes, checking his heart, pulse, fluids, colors, etc…and then the neonatal doctor came over to me and said ‘He is perfectly healthy, everything is great mom, I promise – he is doing great and just came out a little stunned from having the cord double wrapped around his neck.’ I kept saying, please don’t bring him over here until he is totally ready!! I’m really okay, I just want him to be okay. But she insisted that he was ready and he was doing just fine. They wouldn’t even need to take him to the NICU – he was really doing okay, he just had a moment when he came out.

The crying came a little more frequently now and my momma heart grew 100x over just hearing my little guy breathe and cry on his own for the first time. We spent the next hour together doing skin to skin, while I got stitched up (no external tear, how about that!!!! just internally tears and massive bruising). He latched right away and we spent the next few hours in pure heaven.

My dark haired, tiny peanut (6lbs 6oz) Rhys Cameron Antoniak, entered the world in a dramatic fashion at 3:39am.

They continued to monitor his vitals over the next several hours and he was doing great. We got moved up to the mom and baby room where we would live for the next 48 hours about three hours after birth.

I truly cannot say enough incredible things about my midwife. What. A. Warrior. I gave her a challengingggggg case and she handled it like an absolutely champion. She stayed calm during some dramatic moments, and she encouraged me like never before. I’m certain I would have had to get a C-section if I had just seen a regular doctor from the beginning, but we were able to give vaginal a try and I’m so happy about that. I’m also so incredibly thankful that I gave birth at the hospital that I did, one of the best in the city of Philadelphia, with some of the smartest doctors, midwives, and nurses in the city. I felt supported, comforted, cared for, and taken care of the entire time. I am so thankful to everyone who helped get our baby here safely.

It was a challenging labor and birth filled with a lot of highs and lows, but the most important thing is that our baby is here and he is thriving. We love you so much Rhys! Thanks for making us mom and dad.